The Outdated Sap Recommends

I'm not with it, I admit that readily. I don't listen to popular music, watch most television shows, movies or the news. I do my own thing, live in my own selective and Victorian world, and get along quite well, thanks. That being said...

We obviously listen to a lot of talk radio here at MoltenThought. Still, there's only so much chatter I can take first thing in the morning. After I've done my workout, eaten my Irish oatmeal, drunk my coffee, read my Bible and watched a gorgeous sunrise, I just don't need the blather. But after Tef has given me a goodbye smooch and headed out the door in his fedora, the house is just too quiet for satisfactory mascara application.

So this morning I turned on the easy listening station to keep the calm buzz humming. As I applied my blush, I wondered at the advantage of playing the exact same music for 20 years straight. I guess it keeps people in a timeless state of Prozac-like calm. Which, I admit, wasn't far from what I'd needed. But Phil Collins', "In the Air Tonight" is hardly morning music. It makes me think of cigarette smoke and "Miami Vice", not bluebirds and spring trees. Note to self -- email the program director.

Anyway, some song from the batch of ubiquitous 90's(?) boy bands came on. Now I can't tell one boy band from the rest; I've never paid enough attention. But thanks to the Muzak bleaming from every drugstore and elevator, I can hum along. This one I'd heard 100 times but never bothered to analyze. Guess I'd never been focused enough. But as I lined my lipstick I noted in a very "Ebert & Roeper" kind of way the form and content of this little gem:

"Oh, how I wish I could.
Turn back time.
Impossible as it may seem.
But I wish I could.
So bad.
Baby...
Quit playing' games with my heart.
My heart.
My heart.
My heart.
I should have known from the start.
My heart.
My heart.
My heart."

Written by someone with the musical sensibility of a fifth-grader. But I understand the marketing a of a good hook... that it will stick like a shiv into the brains of everyone whom it infects. Thus the reason I can quote the lyrics.

But these singers (whoever they once were) had about as much passion as I would were I reviewing library paste for "Gourmet Magazine". Their intonations were flat, they had no phrasing AT ALL, and their producer should have blended in more harmonies, more key changes, more crescendo. Instead, he made white bread, sliced it up and thrust it, mass-marketing style, at the closest teenager with poor taste. Meanwhile, I'm curling my eyelashes and sighing, secretly wishing I could just be like "everyone else" (read: not a snob) and like the damned song. But alas, I don't. This is why I don't listen to the radio...

And then the next song appeared. It was a little country at first. I half expected to hear a popped-up version of one of the crossovers. You know, like that sappy Aerosmith ballad they stole from what's-his-face for "Armageddon" or some such. Instead, a velvety voice came smoothing into the air. Mmm...

I wonder who that is? What a lovely voice. Everyone else has probably heard this song a thousand times. I'd probably look like a total dork asking someone who this is. This song probably came out 2 years ago... This sounds like that Michael Buble guy from the Starbucks commercials... I think this IS that Michael Buble guy...humph...

He was singing about home. How he missed his home and his darling cara mia. And his phrasing was just decadent. He waited for the beat; drew out the meaning from every bar; every word was infused with passion and longing in that caramel smoooooth tenor. And then the sweetening of the strings! Oh, the sweetening! It was too much to bear. Suddenly, I wanted him to be home! I believed he was in real mortal danger! And I started to tear up a little bit. (I just got married, cut me some slack.)

But I think it affected me most because of the juxtaposition. Because I was expecting the usual drivel. (My heart. My heart. My heart...) But this one just snuck up on me and melted my little snobby-snob heart. What a sweet song! I'm getting a little teary just thinking about it. Oh! *clasping heart* What a sweet, sweet little song! *sigh*

Maybe there's hope for music yet. As long as Buble is putting out Frank Sinatra-esque quality like this. Just. Maybe. *shrug* Who knows?

But one thing's for sure, I gotta' go to iTunes, ASAP.