I Am Not Dead

Where have I been? What's been going on? Why haven't I posted lately?

1) I've been swamped at work.
2) It's hotter than a June bride right now and all I want to do is breathe and lie around fanning myself.
3) Let's seeeee... Highlights from the life of WordGirl:

• One of my bridesmaids came over last Tuesday for some intensive girl time. We began arranging the gaggle of flowers that are threatening to take over my apartment; made sure they matched the dresses; traipsed around in my veil and tiara; designed the altar decor; giggled and had a pillow fight... Well, not that last one. And just to make sure there was no possible way MF would show up and spoil the fun -- we had Indian food for dinner. Pure-T Man Repellent.
• Thursday, I went home and did Tae Bo Advanced for an hour. Showered. Finished C.S. Lewis', "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader." Bed. Woke up at 2:45 am and couldn't go back to sleep. Had a wretched dream that everyone at my high school reunion was either ignoring me or just downright disliked me. Did I mention my high school reunion is coming up?
• My high school reunion is coming up. Yeah... Um... Not so sure I want to go. Don't know anyone I went to high school with anymore. Barely knew them when I was in high school. Why do I want to go? ... To prove something? To show off? To beat everyone I went to school with in the "I-have-the-most-fabulous-life" contest? Of course. Still, it's $80. And I'm not so sure how the whole thing will go over. Keep having dreadful dreams about these people. Weird how I still let people I barely knew wield that much control over my perceptions. The deadline for the check is in 2 days. I've still not stamped the envelope.
• MF snuck the Kitchen-Aid mixer he got with his bonus points into the house. It's Empire Red. *squeal!* I oohed and aahed over it, promptly washed and shined the components and made a pound cake. Check one less thing off the wedding registry!
• Friday night, MF, the bridesmaid from Tuesday, a friend of hers and I all went out dancing. It's a club that only plays 80's music. They had a big hair contest. We lost. Still, got some exercise and made out huge on people-watching and gawking. 'Specially this one clown we nicknamed "Magnum: DUI." He was soooo *white*. The entire place was watching him and cheering. He was feeling the funky beat, doing split jumps, the "snake", a sloppy version of the "robot", and mouthing the words to every song while he licked his fingers and motioned to any randy female in the place (including the Asian girl in the tube top and painted-on miniskirt who was dancing alone with her beer at 9 o'clock). Harmless, but deadly hysterical. Ate breakfast in a ratty diner at 1 am for the first time since college.
• Watched my TiVo-ed episodes of "Good Eats" and "Paula's Country Cookin' ". Had Thai for lunch with MF (limited myself to very, very sensible portions). Got my nails filled (french manicure with delicate pink glitter on top). Mixed the aforementioned pound cake. Ate 3/4 cup of cake batter. Felt guilty. Skipped dinner and went to the gym. Weighed myself. Cried. Ran on treadmill for an hour. Lifted weights. Cried some more. Hope it's water retention. No -- pray to God it's water retention. Did I mention my high school reunion is coming up?
• Went to church on Sunday. Halfway through the announcements (including the softball player who most exhibited the character of Christ last week), I realized Jesus had slept in that morning. After the hymn/prayer and before the good morning handshakes, I bolted. Finished watching "Zorba the Greek". Took a nap. Tried not to think about the scale at the gym. Sat down to a wonderful lunch of which I could only eat 10 bites. Moved dishes from my apartment to MF's house. Filled a box and two bags for a veteran's charity. Went with MF to dinner at Our Married Friends' house. The Husband" made homemade paella.
• (pie-aye-uh) n. A saffron-flavored Spanish dish made with varying combinations of rice, vegetables, meat, chicken, and seafood. [From the Catalan, frying pan, paella, from Old French paelle, frying pan, pot, from Latin patella, diminutive of patina, pan. See paten.]
• He paired it with a really crisp white wine. We supplied the pound cake, along with a tasty reduction of Port wine, sugar, and fresh blackberries. We dolloped each chunk with Cool Whip. We talked and ate (I only ate until barely full) and cooed at their two-month old baby girl who is a Mini Me of The Husband. Cute.
• The Friend Who Always Shows Up Late arrived at around 8 pm. Talked and ate and cooed some more. Dropped off MF. Programmed the coffee machine. Bed.
• Had another dream that one of the really popular girls from my high school met me on the road in the middle of nowhere. We rode around in her car (an MG?) trying to get out of the woods because... ?... of something. She had always exuded responsibility and organization. After two minutes in the car with her I realized she was, in actuality, a nut case. I had to change my muddy shoes, pack some things in my back pack before the drunk hunters arrived, and meet her at the car. I wasn't in a hurry. I knew she would abandon me. I waited extra long so she wouldn't feel awkward. I heard her tires squeal as I heaved the pack up. It was only two miles to my parents' house anyway. Did I mention my high school reunion is coming up?