Shorts Must Die
I refuse to wear them any longer. I took this cue from the British ladies on "What Not To Wear." They insist that shorts are unflattering and unattractive on any female over the age of 12. And they're right.
Shorts are hot -- not in a good way -- they're constrictive and they wrinkle when you sit for long periods. You have to keep pulling them down all the time. Sit, tug. Stand, tug. Walk, tug. Tug. Tug. Tug. Then you catch a glimpse of the back of your thigh in the mirrored bank teller glass. Sweet. Smoking. Jehoshaphat. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The solution? Skirts. No, I'm serious. Skirts baby. I know, I was sketical at first as well. But with the re-emergence of my beloved A-lines this year I am in skirt heaven.
Advantages:
1) Comfy -- I feel like I'm walking around in my pajamas.
2) Modest -- your classier mildly "boho" skirt, which generally comes to the knee or mid calf, spruced up with a streamlined knit tank, soft chignon, Sophia Loren glasses and demure jewelry. Very sexy. Very feminine. And for you single girls: The boys will automatically improve their posture, speak nicely to you, and treat you like a lady -- not a trick 'ho. And it's all about the respect, girls. Dress like a lady. Carry yourself like a lady. Watch the results. Guaranteed to weed out the losers.
3) Cool -- Every cool breeze is yours. There's no fabric encasing you upper thighs to stop it. Enough said.
The best places to purchase these gorgeous little summer must-haves? Better department stores. Avoid teeny-bopper boutiques like the plague. They only serve to stuff you into something ill-fitting and too short destined to get you the wrong attention and to only be wearable for less than one season.
You're welcome. : )
Shorts are hot -- not in a good way -- they're constrictive and they wrinkle when you sit for long periods. You have to keep pulling them down all the time. Sit, tug. Stand, tug. Walk, tug. Tug. Tug. Tug. Then you catch a glimpse of the back of your thigh in the mirrored bank teller glass. Sweet. Smoking. Jehoshaphat. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The solution? Skirts. No, I'm serious. Skirts baby. I know, I was sketical at first as well. But with the re-emergence of my beloved A-lines this year I am in skirt heaven.
Advantages:
1) Comfy -- I feel like I'm walking around in my pajamas.
2) Modest -- your classier mildly "boho" skirt, which generally comes to the knee or mid calf, spruced up with a streamlined knit tank, soft chignon, Sophia Loren glasses and demure jewelry. Very sexy. Very feminine. And for you single girls: The boys will automatically improve their posture, speak nicely to you, and treat you like a lady -- not a trick 'ho. And it's all about the respect, girls. Dress like a lady. Carry yourself like a lady. Watch the results. Guaranteed to weed out the losers.
3) Cool -- Every cool breeze is yours. There's no fabric encasing you upper thighs to stop it. Enough said.
The best places to purchase these gorgeous little summer must-haves? Better department stores. Avoid teeny-bopper boutiques like the plague. They only serve to stuff you into something ill-fitting and too short destined to get you the wrong attention and to only be wearable for less than one season.
You're welcome. : )
posted by WordGirl at 4:10 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Gals, take it from a guy, skirts are the way to go. It's a classic look, and sexy to boot. I must admit, too, that I improved my posture while reading this post.
Shorts *are* wretched, Worgirl! Dastardly! I saw way too many white, veiny, dimply, chubby-legged women at camp this week running around in those damn things making their asses look like the size of a kiddie wading pool. I thought the goal of the camp was to give them an escape for the week, not deepen their trauma! Yowza!!
Thanks Dave. And welcome to the fray.
TEEEE!! WHASS'UP CHICA?! Glad to know you made it back from Camp Brimstone intact. I haven't been over for coffee yet. Was waiting for you to pop on over here, seein'as how we got a little pah-tee goin' on. Nice to have you back!
You did take pictures of the dreaded thigh/buttocks ("thuttocks" if you will) for the Power Point present later, right? ; )
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