Everything I Know I Learned from Kevin Federline

1. Popocao means "get your [butt] out on the dance floor" in Portuguese. I am Portuguese, yet did not know this. Thanks, Mr. Federline!
2. It's really "street" to go by your first initial-hyphen-first syllable of your last name. Thus from now on WordGirl shall be known as "W-Girl".
3. There ain't no "I" in "prenup". Or as K-Fed likes to say it, "P-Nup".
4. Shorts can warm your ankles if you wear 'em low enough.
5. Socks ought to be worn with sandles at all times, but remember never to wear white tube socks with your sandles after Labor Day. We're not barbarians.
6. Rap is universal. Even unemployed wannabes who hit the love lottery have street cred.
7. Being a good father means spreading your genetic wealth widely and without discretion.
8. The only thing better than being an unemployed male dancer is an unemployed rapper.
9. Why shave when you can grow a beard that looks like a porcupine's belly?
10. She'll do anything you want as long as you feed her Cheetohs and tell her her last single was "street".
11. The best thing about fatherhood is not being there.
12. Rockford's father isn't the only man who could pull off wearing hats all the time. Abraham Lincoln did too. At Epcot Center.
13. You'll always get the Ferrari back.
14. Spliffs are the new stogies.
15. Reality TV really pays when you're freaks.
16. For formal functions, kindly eschew the sweatshirts with profanity on them. It's the red carpet, dog, REPRESENT.
17. Showers are for looozas.
18. Run your home with all the class of a crackhouse, but name your children like Jane Austen characters.
19. Tat her up.
20. She'll always take you back. She's really THAT stupid.