Easter Giggles
The first reading (of seven) at Easter Vigil was done by someone who... *sigh*... is either... *thinking*... a kindergarten teacher to the mentally disabled, a reincarnation of Brian Fellows or someone who just never really latched onto the whole reading comprehension thing, 'kay? Yeah...
"and-God-saw... that-it... WAS GOOOOOD."
"and-God-said... let-there-BEEE..." [pregnant pause] "LIGHT!"
"... And IT [most-very-pregnant-pause]... HAPPENED!"
And on like that.
I caught onto her inflections pretty quickly and was getting (she said not immodestly) pretty good at predicting them, but couldn't share my thoughts with Tef. It was a solemn occasion. We could almost hear the people beside us breathing, okay?
Solemn.
Occasion.
I knew I should have been concentrating on the first reading (of seven). I knew I should have been watching the catechumens and soaking in all the Easter goodness, knowing that it would be one full year before we would be able to partake of the banquet of the Lord; that these people who were going before us were doing so as models to us. I knew I should have been preparing my heart for what lay ahead.
But all I could do was rub my temples and pray, "DearGodPleaseGod-Don'tLetThisWomanBeInChargeOfAllTheReadings-DearGodPleaseGod-NOOOOOOO!"
I knew that Tef was experiencing the same grief. But this was not the time to bitch, right? We're in the house of the Lord and stuff. I mean... put a sock in it for five seconds okay, WG? I was almost disgusted with myself, honestly.
But I just cooooouldn't let it go. Nope! I just haaaaaaaad to press my luck. That's the way I'm built. I can't keep my opinions to myself. I can't stop talking about things that interest ME; Things that affect ME; Things that matter to ME. Sometimes... only... me.
Anyway.
She opened her mouth and drew a big gulping breath. I readied myself. She was winding up for a good 'un. It was coming. I could feel it. We were following along in our leaflets, reading the solemn words, in the solemn pew with the solemn parishioners, staring straight ahead... solemnly.
And when she belted out another, "IT... HAPPENED!" I almost imperceptibly... juuuust barely... infinitesimally... nudged Tef with the side of my elbow.
Right. On. Cue.
Then I looked at him.
Solemnly.
Anyone familiar with that sensation when, in the most inappropriate of moments, at the most inopportune time... you get the bend-over-grab-your-knees-and-pray-for-oxygen giggles? Yeah...
Tears people. TEARS.
"and-God-saw... that-it... WAS GOOOOOD."
"and-God-said... let-there-BEEE..." [pregnant pause] "LIGHT!"
"... And IT [most-very-pregnant-pause]... HAPPENED!"
And on like that.
I caught onto her inflections pretty quickly and was getting (she said not immodestly) pretty good at predicting them, but couldn't share my thoughts with Tef. It was a solemn occasion. We could almost hear the people beside us breathing, okay?
Solemn.
Occasion.
I knew I should have been concentrating on the first reading (of seven). I knew I should have been watching the catechumens and soaking in all the Easter goodness, knowing that it would be one full year before we would be able to partake of the banquet of the Lord; that these people who were going before us were doing so as models to us. I knew I should have been preparing my heart for what lay ahead.
But all I could do was rub my temples and pray, "DearGodPleaseGod-Don'tLetThisWomanBeInChargeOfAllTheReadings-DearGodPleaseGod-NOOOOOOO!"
I knew that Tef was experiencing the same grief. But this was not the time to bitch, right? We're in the house of the Lord and stuff. I mean... put a sock in it for five seconds okay, WG? I was almost disgusted with myself, honestly.
But I just cooooouldn't let it go. Nope! I just haaaaaaaad to press my luck. That's the way I'm built. I can't keep my opinions to myself. I can't stop talking about things that interest ME; Things that affect ME; Things that matter to ME. Sometimes... only... me.
Anyway.
She opened her mouth and drew a big gulping breath. I readied myself. She was winding up for a good 'un. It was coming. I could feel it. We were following along in our leaflets, reading the solemn words, in the solemn pew with the solemn parishioners, staring straight ahead... solemnly.
And when she belted out another, "IT... HAPPENED!" I almost imperceptibly... juuuust barely... infinitesimally... nudged Tef with the side of my elbow.
Right. On. Cue.
Then I looked at him.
Solemnly.
Anyone familiar with that sensation when, in the most inappropriate of moments, at the most inopportune time... you get the bend-over-grab-your-knees-and-pray-for-oxygen giggles? Yeah...
Tears people. TEARS.
posted by WordGirl at 3:54 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
LOL! I think we all have experienced those moments at times in Mass. We have one resident priest who, when he distributes the Eucharist, says "The Body of Chrissssssst". Over and over again. All we hear, until we are right in front of him, is the "ssssst" part.
I like your attitude and sense of humor about all of this! God bless you.
My favorite can't control the giggling is when the priest forgets to turn off his microphone and the whole congregation can hear him whispering instructions to the altar servers.
BTW, I found your blog through Julie D. (happy catholic). Welcome to the journey. It's not an easy one, but it kind of gets inevitable when you start asking certain questions. For me, it was the search for the historical church..........
Oh, and has anyone yet recommended Fr. Trugilio's easy to read and informative book "Catholicism for Dummies"? Being a basic geek, I love all the "Dummies" books but this was the best yet.
And I also found that Karl Keating's book "Catholicism and Fundamentalism" was worthwhile.
But the book that more than any other set me on the path to Catholicism was Thomas Merton's "The Seven Story Mountain".
Last year, a local parish invited Scott Hahn to speak and it was truly wonderful.
Wow. You really are getting this Catholic thing down. You understand completely.
Martin:
Holy crap. Yeah, we'd certainly be rolling in the aisles on that one. Thanks!
Alicia:
Welcome! Yup, the "Dummies" book is already in our library (and on our thoughts picks sidebar). Though I must confess, I've not read it. Tef breezed through it in about 5 seconds, though, and seemed pleased. "C&F" is in our Wish List on Amazon. And I've only heard good things about Merton as well. Thanks for the recommendations and the love!
Bender:
;-) It's pretty much the same all over, though. All churches sort of have the same quirks. 'Cuz all churches everywhere are run by people. Gloriously irritating and wonderfully weird people... God is truly one of Mercy!
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