Peace Talk
Everything is new and nothing is new. And I don't know how to properly explain that.
In my new role as full-time homemaker and wife I am finding the most enjoyment in the simplest and most mundane things: making breakfast for my husband before he leaves for work; feeding the fish; mopping the floors; raking the leaves; doing dishes; watching the birds; jogging around our neighborhood in the cutting bright cold; praying, child like; getting to know my chosen Saint; not really talking to much of anyone about much of anything; breathing; being.
This may be my desert experience. Jesus and Paul first come to mind in the desert experience mode. They both had big banging starts to their ministries and then went off into the desert alone to prepare. Not that I consider myself on equal footing with either. But still, I see the necessity and the allure of spending time alone. I like it. It doesn't feel lonely or selfish because I am not alone. And all this thought and preparation enables me to meet each person with an energy and perspective that I've never had before. I am much more able to do what we Christians have been called to do because I have time to reflect on how best to do it. In this "isolation" I can develop sound habits that will carry over once I settle into volunteering and (eventually) into becoming a mother.
It's all about transitions. Everything I've done in my life has not been an end, but a sliding transition into something else. For example: at my former job, I worked alone. I got used to being able to set my own schedule, work at my own pace and accomplish things unaided (read: unhindered) by too much chatter and nonsense. I also worked for one man -- a gracious and hardworking man. Those experiences transitioned into this. Too many other transitory preparations exist to explain.
And working for my husband might seem a bit old-fashioned. But... I don't particularly care what anyone else thinks. That's 'A'.
'B' is the wealth of blessings this decision has brought to our marriage. We're so happy we might yet burst into song. It's a trip. My husband works hard all day and comes home to relax. I work hard all day to provide that relaxation. Not fair that I work 24/7? Would I have a house to look after had he not provided it? Well... probably.
In this day I could very well provide myself lots of things (I had my own spacious apartment before I married, bought my own car, paid my own bills), but never with this much peace. The peace that I am now in the wake of is unlike any. I can confidently say this is the happiest I have ever been.
But with Peace comes a mortifying 'C': Getting intimate with my pride and rebellion through service to my husband. That sounds a bit like a conundrum, I agree.
Being Christ to the world must first start at home. That is the most important place. How can we get the world's house in order if there is disorder in our own? The people under our roof are the most important to minister to. My husband ministers to me in his love and respect for me. His gifts and surprises are far beyond what any wife could want (I know, my girlfriends tell me all the time how rotten I am). He also ministers to me everytime he walks out the door to go to work. He loves me (as Paul in Ephesians prescribes) as his own body. He carries a heavy load for our family. He does not always "feel like" going to work. But he goes. He fights for and protects the security of our home.
In turn, my goal is to be a sweet and loving help and support (also in Paul's letter). I must put my own flesh aside and serve someone else. I must "lose my life in order to save it". If this is not Christian doctrine, I don't know what is. And it's hard. I don't always feel like "going to work" either. But I do (or I have so far). It doesn't always come out perfect. But I try my best. And I am rewarded, even when my husband is silent (which is rare). I know I have pleased God through service.
But it is not service for the sake of such. Anything done without love is but a clanging cymbal, after all. When I follow through on the "mortification of my flesh", I reap blessings; Peace, Harmony, Security, Openness, Joy, Laughter. I think God smiles. I really do. Because He is preparing us for something bigger. We are learning The Way. Eventually, throughout this practice, The Way will expand beyond the walls of our home. It already does -- the Peace I have I spread to others; the Peace my husband has through our service to each other spreads. (Children will bring their own challenges. Is this Peace sustainable? We'll see...)
And as husband and wife, we get to know each other in a way that was just not possible before I came home. It's bumpy sometimes, but in the process, we are getting to really know each other. For better or for worse. Mostly better... Mostly. ;-)
In my new role as full-time homemaker and wife I am finding the most enjoyment in the simplest and most mundane things: making breakfast for my husband before he leaves for work; feeding the fish; mopping the floors; raking the leaves; doing dishes; watching the birds; jogging around our neighborhood in the cutting bright cold; praying, child like; getting to know my chosen Saint; not really talking to much of anyone about much of anything; breathing; being.
This may be my desert experience. Jesus and Paul first come to mind in the desert experience mode. They both had big banging starts to their ministries and then went off into the desert alone to prepare. Not that I consider myself on equal footing with either. But still, I see the necessity and the allure of spending time alone. I like it. It doesn't feel lonely or selfish because I am not alone. And all this thought and preparation enables me to meet each person with an energy and perspective that I've never had before. I am much more able to do what we Christians have been called to do because I have time to reflect on how best to do it. In this "isolation" I can develop sound habits that will carry over once I settle into volunteering and (eventually) into becoming a mother.
It's all about transitions. Everything I've done in my life has not been an end, but a sliding transition into something else. For example: at my former job, I worked alone. I got used to being able to set my own schedule, work at my own pace and accomplish things unaided (read: unhindered) by too much chatter and nonsense. I also worked for one man -- a gracious and hardworking man. Those experiences transitioned into this. Too many other transitory preparations exist to explain.
And working for my husband might seem a bit old-fashioned. But... I don't particularly care what anyone else thinks. That's 'A'.
'B' is the wealth of blessings this decision has brought to our marriage. We're so happy we might yet burst into song. It's a trip. My husband works hard all day and comes home to relax. I work hard all day to provide that relaxation. Not fair that I work 24/7? Would I have a house to look after had he not provided it? Well... probably.
In this day I could very well provide myself lots of things (I had my own spacious apartment before I married, bought my own car, paid my own bills), but never with this much peace. The peace that I am now in the wake of is unlike any. I can confidently say this is the happiest I have ever been.
But with Peace comes a mortifying 'C': Getting intimate with my pride and rebellion through service to my husband. That sounds a bit like a conundrum, I agree.
Being Christ to the world must first start at home. That is the most important place. How can we get the world's house in order if there is disorder in our own? The people under our roof are the most important to minister to. My husband ministers to me in his love and respect for me. His gifts and surprises are far beyond what any wife could want (I know, my girlfriends tell me all the time how rotten I am). He also ministers to me everytime he walks out the door to go to work. He loves me (as Paul in Ephesians prescribes) as his own body. He carries a heavy load for our family. He does not always "feel like" going to work. But he goes. He fights for and protects the security of our home.
In turn, my goal is to be a sweet and loving help and support (also in Paul's letter). I must put my own flesh aside and serve someone else. I must "lose my life in order to save it". If this is not Christian doctrine, I don't know what is. And it's hard. I don't always feel like "going to work" either. But I do (or I have so far). It doesn't always come out perfect. But I try my best. And I am rewarded, even when my husband is silent (which is rare). I know I have pleased God through service.
But it is not service for the sake of such. Anything done without love is but a clanging cymbal, after all. When I follow through on the "mortification of my flesh", I reap blessings; Peace, Harmony, Security, Openness, Joy, Laughter. I think God smiles. I really do. Because He is preparing us for something bigger. We are learning The Way. Eventually, throughout this practice, The Way will expand beyond the walls of our home. It already does -- the Peace I have I spread to others; the Peace my husband has through our service to each other spreads. (Children will bring their own challenges. Is this Peace sustainable? We'll see...)
And as husband and wife, we get to know each other in a way that was just not possible before I came home. It's bumpy sometimes, but in the process, we are getting to really know each other. For better or for worse. Mostly better... Mostly. ;-)
posted by WordGirl at 9:28 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Hey, St. Catherine of Siena is my patron saint, too! There's a book called "Saints and Other Powerful Women in the Church" by Bob and Penny Lord; she's in there. It's a neat read.
You speak so beautifully about marriage, WG, your own and in general. I can picture you and Teflon at your parish Pre-Cana day, talking to couples, someday, or maybe putting together a little collection of these reflections. I'm not where you are, yet. I'm in the early stages of grad school (career change) and hoping & prayerfully preparing for marriage. But I can relate to the adjustment--even changes for the better can make us anxious sometimes, can't they?
Thanks, Kate!
I'm starting "The Dialogue" soon (although I probably need to get to the other 37 books in the pile by my bed first). She's multifaceted, isn't she?
I love it when people complain women have "no power" in the Church. It makes me laugh. Look at St. Catherine of Siena and St. Teresa of Avila (Doctors of the Church), St. Joan, Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta, and the Blessed Mother herself. Then tell me women have/had no power -- HA!
Thanks for your kind comments. I do love being married. But it helps that I chose the right man. Many women are not so fortunate.
We got married fairly late. Most of my high school and college classmates have 2 or 3 children by now. It took us a little while to find each other. (You know how we found each other, right? eHarmony.com. I would highly, HIGHLY recommend it!)
If marriage is the desire of your heart, God will find a way to make it happen. Many of my Fundamentalist friends have this notion that despite their longing to be married, God wants them to be alone. Hogwash. If they were meant to be alone, they would want singleness more than marriage. It will happen when you least expect it. My best friend was alone for 5 years. ALl of a sudden -- BAM! Like a train. She's now engaged.
You're probably the 80th person to suggest eHarmony to me since my last LTR ended mid-2005. . . I was burned a couple times by another dating site prior to my last LTR so I'm skeptical about meeting someone online--but possibly working up the nerve to try later in the year.
Thanks for some more hopeful thoughts. (It's hard to keep from comparing to everyone else, isn't it?)
Peace suits you. You're glowing!
My seven yr old daughter's name is Sienna.
Although a cradleCatholic- i have soooo much to learn, and you are a great example to me. In Faith matters and home matters- i'd rather be in the barn than doing housework- dying to self in thois manner is very painful- and tiring to me.
Write more(will you please)?
Very sweet.
We are all co creators with God in this wonderful universe. There's a lot of responsibility in that.
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