I Just Wanna' Watch A Movie, Is That So Wrong?

File under: "Mortification of the flesh is a tough and slippery thing" or, as Tef has so eloquently put it, "Ash Wednesday sucks".

This year I have forsaken television. That's right, no more "Heroes", no more "Anthony Bourdain", no more "Mythbusters", no more "Lost" or "24". Gone. All gone. (Until Sunday TiVo time, that is.) The only thing I'm allowing myself to watch are, "The Holy Land Rosary" on EWTN and my workouts, either on DVD or FitTV. Which is to say: unless it's something especially spiritual or physical that I can't get from a book or audio media, it's off limits (again, until Sunday TiVo time). And yeah, I could pray the rosary without a guide and I could figure out a fitness regime without the TV but this is Lent, y'all, not Auschwitz.

Same for food. I'm abiding by the Lenten "no-meat-on-Fridays" thing and adding a few little prohibitions of my own by cutting out "white things" like rice, potatoes, bread, pasta and sugar (except for the sugar in my morning coffee, again L-E-N-T) and/or especially rich things like ice cream, chocolate, and goodies of that ilk. But since I eat pretty healthy anyway, stuff like this is not as much of a sacrifice as it might be for someone else. I have the opposite problem, I go too far.

In the past I have undertaken such Lenten promises as "veganism" and "only 1500 calories a day and hour-long workouts everyday for 40 days". With my history of eating disorders, yeah -- not such a good idea. Plus, once you make an oath to the Lord you have to stick to it. And in the past I have bitten off more than I could practically chew. This year, my focus is on having more quiet time with the Lord and more headspace (if that makes sense) without the hairshirts. Reading more and being quieter so I can tune in to Life more adeptly is my focus. I don't see what's wrong with that. That's pretty much what Lent is right? Getting ourselves in order; Spring cleaning; getting to root of ourselves and our weaknesses and Christ's strength; looking forward to Easter and the Resurrection. It's the sobering up after the revelry of Christmas.

Anyway... sitting in Ash Wednesday services, listening to all the stomachs growling around me, I really, REALLY just wanted to go home and watch "The Fellowship of the Ring" and eat a PB&J sandwich -- something I haven't had a craving to do in.... well, ever, I don't think.

*sigh*

Isn't that the way it always is? You don't miss something until you can't have it. Sort of like a catch 22. Or like St. Paul's commentary on the Law in the letter to the Romans. The Law condemns and saves at the same time. Because with the Law the Jews could never measure up. And without it they were lost.

Am I rambling? I think I'm rambling. Must be the low blood sugar. I'm all wobbly in the brain pan.

Have a great Ash Wednesday. I gotta' go thaw some fish.