All I Need Is The Air That I Breathe

Be prepared for allergies today! This is to let you know that allergy conditions in your area have reached a medium to high range! Forecast for today (on a scale of 1-12): Wednesday 4/19/06 -- 10.5/High

Ya' think?!

I never go to the doctor. Ever. I'm one of those oddball people who can go for literally years without darkening the Doc's door. If I wasn't a woman, I'd not have to go but every 5 years -- and ladies, you know what I'm talking about.

But about 3 weeks ago, I began to get progressively more fatigued during workouts. I then began to lag -- I mean really lag -- around mid afternoon each day. Then I started noticing my pulse rate had become suddenly discernible -- then visible -- in my cheekbones and eye sockets. Not a riveting sensation, that. Last week the chest tightness and troubled breathing started. Uh-oh...

Okay. There are certain things to which I simply must have access. In order to yell at people in traffic and to rant on and on ad nauseum about myself I kinda' need my lungs and stuff. And sitting at the breakfast table on Monday morning in tears... Because I couldn't breathe... Because I'd spent 20 minutes outside the day before... Because we wanted to photograph my 2 year-old-niece hunting Easter eggs in our back yard... Feeling as if I were strapped to an air tank that was half full (this kinda' makes me feel like crying now, actually) was not the most victorious and overcoming of feelings. In fact, I felt utterly helpless.

But I was still in denial that it might be allergies. Or that it might be as bad as all that. But the data was stacked against me: The pollen count was astronomically high and any time I was outside for more than 10 minutes (no, I am not kidding) I'd be laid out the next day. Crap.

So I made an appointment with an allergist. The first available appointment was Wednesday... May 10. Crap.

So I called and made an appointment with my "primary care physician" (whom I have never laid eyes on). First available appointment: Tuesday. Crap.

I had to be there 30 minutes early to fill out paperwork. I left work on time but got there late because of traffic. Still arrived an ample 20 minutes early, checked in but did not receive said paperwork until 5 minutes before appointment time. Crap.

Sat in the waiting room another 45 minutes; in the exam room 15; and with the Doctor? Five -- count 'em, F-I-V-E -- minutes. Crap.

She tells me what I have already, by now, deduced, "You have allergies." No crap.

Get to pharmacy, back to work... blah-dee-blah-blah.

I'd been quarantined indoors for what felt like forever. The weather here is glorious and the spring wildlife just... intoxicating. I'd had one of those days where every other word of my inner dialogue had been a foul one. Lots of words starting with "F", for example. I had to go get my meds... and by golly, I just happened to need some exercise.

Tef was watching his political boy shows. Dinner had been cooked, devoured and cleaned up after and I decided I was going to walk to the pharmacy.

Tef: "Wait. You're walking to the pharmacy?"

Me: "Uh-huh..."

Tef: "To pick up your breathing medicine?!"

Me: "Yep."

Tef: "Does that even make sense in the world?"

Me: [blank stare] "I'll be back in about 45 minutes."

I had the most glorious walk, y'all... Green trees, cool breeze, spring flowers, people out walking their dogs, light traffic, store fronts, OH! YES! I'm SO GLAD we live where we do. Glorious.

Surely this can't hurt anything... I've been indoors for days, I thought. I need to be out here, I convinced myself, I deserve this!

Got back from my walk. Settled in. Took my sparkly new meds. Went to sleep.

Guess who woke up with an elephant on her chest this morning?

Crap.

So if anyone needs me, I'll be indoors with an oxygen tank strapped to my head, my nose pressed up to the glass, pleading with big watery eyes for someone to come in and play with me.
Admitting that my husband was right... Again.

Dammit.