Set Point, Match

What IS a healthy weight?

People often have in mind a number that they think is "the right" weight to be. But there is no "right weight" and no magic number for a healthy weight. There are charts and tables for adults that suggest a "healthy weight range", but even that is a very basic measure of a healthy weight. YOUR healthy weight is the weight you are when:
* you are eating regularly (3 or more meals a day)
* you are eating to satisfy your hunger and your appetite
* you are not dieting or trying to control your weight
* you are active on a daily basis, and doing exercise regularly

Your healthy weight is called your "set point". Your set point weight can fluctuate between at least 5 and 10 pounds at any time. Your set point weight is mostly determined by genetics, the same way your height is determined (and it is nearly impossible to change it!). This explains why people regain the weight they may lose when on a calorie-reduced diet, or why gaining weight for others is very difficult.

"Set Point" is just like your height or your shoe size, it's where your body is "programmed" to be and where it functions best, performing all your basic metabolic functions (breathing, heartbeat regulation) and where it defends and adapts to changes best (fighting off disease, recovery from injuries). Set Point is the weight your body naturally defaults to when it reaches equilibrium. When you eat nutritiously without counting calories or trying to restrict portions; eat when you're hungry and stop when you're satisfied (not popping); and get (moderate to vigorous) daily/weekly exercise, your Set Point takes care of itself -- and you.

In our highly stylized and self-focused, Western society men and women have been scolded (and sometimes downright demonized) for having a Set Point higher than the prized and valued "norm." But instead of defending our bodies and staying secure in the fact that there is little we can do to fight it, we try to starve ourselves and beat ourselves into an impossible mold. The end result is body hatred and abuse.

The human body is God's masterpiece. It changes and adapts in miraculous and incredibly profound ways -- most of the time with our total ignorance (unless you're attuned to each and every one of your breaths and heartbeats). The human body can be shaped and tuned into a fine athletic machine, performing feats of unbelievable function, flexibility and strength. But there are limits. Some people will never -- ever -- have washboard abs, for example; even with the strongest and best-trained rectus abdominus.

But instead of being proud of our strengths and conceding our limits, we buy in to snake oil salesman and pie-in-the-sky fantasies that tell us we can get a ripped mid-section if we just try hard enough. What's more, once we do, all our problems will be solved, right? We'll be rich, pretty, pursued by the opposite sex, get a promotion and be famous.

Right. And monkeys might fly out of my butt.

I am 5'9". I have no problem building muscle -- muscle that covers, protects, moves and serves an already larger than "delicate" skeletal frame. I cannot change the size of my bones. And I refuse to not build muscle -- it's a good thing.

For the past year I've been trying to lose "10 more pounds" to get back to my "ideal weight". I've been working out longer, harder and more often than I ever have in my ENTIRE LIFE (1 to 1.5 hours of weightlifting, high intensity step aerobics and plyometric cross-training on alternate days at least 5 days a week). I've been eating as little as possible (between 1300-1600 calories per day). I've maintained a consistent routine: eating 3 meals and 2 snacks per day with a high calorie day (Saturday or Sunday) to keep my metabolism from getting stale. I've been getting enough protein, drinking plenty of water and sleeping properly (around 8 hours per night). My scale is digital, brand new and has fresh batteries. I've weighed myself first thing in the morning, sans clothing.

I've been doing everything right. And my weight has started to creep -- not down, but UP! This made me feel:

1) like a total failure
2) like my body was out of control (and out to get me)
3) anxious, ashamed and scared
4) guilty for getting hungry and then eating
5) like binging on ice cream, cookies and other "forbidden" things that I thought I couldn't have because if I did, I'd weigh 250 pounds (which is contrary to Set Point, by the way).
6) like there was something wrong with me and that "if I could just eat a little less and work out a little more... maybe..."

But it's an elusive prize. My Set Point has been trying to protect me from doing real damage to my body, but my brain refused to cooperate. This left me with a devastatingly obsessive (and never satisfied) eating disorder.

The symptoms of starvation?
1) Poor short-term memory -- check!
2) Lack of concentration -- check!
3) Social withdrawal -- check!
4) Obsessive/compulsive thoughts about food -- check!
5) Irritability and sleeping problems -- check!
6) Irrational moods swings and paranoia -- check!

Since I've been dieting for literally 10 years, my Set Point has risen. I've been creating such a calorie deficit that my body thinks it's starving, so it has slowed down my metabolism to protect itself. Thus, the plateau I always hit when I try to get under a certain weight. It's almost impossible to get there and when I do, I rarely stay very long. Even with the enormous amount of work I've been doing, my obstinate body has taken me back (again) to that weight. And it refuses to budge: literally -- not one single solitary ounce.

When I was informed about Set Point in counseling, I freaked out a little. (Okay, a lot.) It explains so much. But it made me feel so angry and sad and... pitiful to think that for so many years I have been pushing so hard, punishing myself so much and despairing so often about something that I cannot change. I've let other talents and priorities suffer because I've been so doggedly focused on attaining the perfect body -- a priority that in the long run, really matters very little. I mean, who on their death bed at 120, surrounded by family and friends, looks back on their life and wishes they could've had thinner thighs?

The fear of really living life and being my authentic self crippled me. And since in the circle of my immediate family, I'd never been comfortable being myself, I figured if I just kept my head down and performed like a trained pet that everything would work out. Aspects aligned to keep me suffering and imprisoned: my family's unending dissatisfaction and inherent misinterpretation of who I really am, my genetic makeup, societal pressures, my need to please, my need to be loved and approved of by my family, my perfectionism, and my confusion about what was really going on in my family dynamic.

Therapy sessions, combined with Al-Anon meetings and lots of prayer, means I'm feeling better than I have in years. I have committed to a process called "mechanical eating". I'm eating 1800-2200 calories per day and getting regular (not more than an hour per day) exercise. I eat every three hours from 6 AM until 6 PM whether I'm hungry or not. I've been doing it for about 2 weeks now and I can already tell a big difference. I have more energy and stamina; I don't have the same mood swings and stress; I fall asleep faster and sleep more deeply at night. What should happen is that my body will start to adjust to its natural Set Point, but it's going to take at least a year of regular eating to get my metabolism back on track.

What's my point? "It's not about food."

Ever since I started to enforce healthy boundaries with my family and accept my body as it is (not as I want it to someday be) I've been able to exhale with much more ease. I'm starting to loosen up and really think about other interests outside of food and fitness. I've started to look more at the shape of my clothes and accessories (rather than my individual body "flaws") to dress myself well. I've begun to investigate my attitudes, my worth in the eyes of God, my God-given talents, the way people love me, and the ways I love others to figure out who I am and what I want my life to be. Weight and size are starting to fade into the background. Food is becoming less and less important; more of a joy than a burden. And cake is just cake: in moderation, yummy -- not a sin.

I don't know how many of our readers struggle with this, want to read about it or even give it a second thought, but... *shrug*... there it is. I hope this helps someone.