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"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last."
Sir Winston Churchill

11.30.2006

Re: Seasonal Affect Disorder

From the desk of WordGirl:

Gear: Bathrobe, slippers, no makeup, not-as-yet-brushed teeth, cookbook, belly pleasantly full of diet French toast and coffee, spiking hormones

Mood: Weirdly... moody

Agenda: Finish blog-post, visit sister in hospital, run to BFF's workplace and pick up tickets, rake leaves, start dinner (next post), dress, eat, take Husband to touring production of "Spam-A-Lot".

News, Anniversaries, Goings-on, etc.:
  • a close friend who lost twins two months ago (in her 6th week) is pregnant again. Everything is going fine.
  • Our sponsors lost another baby (their second this year) two weeks ago.
  • Jennifer (on her 7th try) is into her second trimester, officially, though the puking has not yet let up. HURRAH!
  • I have a brand-spanking new niece, just delivered yesterday. She looks just like her sister, who is three. She arrived two weeks early, but Mom and baby are perfectly healthy -- no complications.
  • After another 44-day period, I am officially not expecting. We've been trying since January.
  • I went out to clean up the pond and discovered that Satan had abducted all my fish. The only thing left was a milky-white swirl on the water and some errant leaves.
  • That was right before I discovered I was not pregnant -- again.
  • It's gray and yucky outside.
  • I'm working out too much... again.
  • The anniversary of my grandmother's passing is very close. If I haven't mentioned her before... Long story short: She was the only person in my screwed-up family who understood me and cared for me like my mother never would. She wasn't Catholic. She wasn't perfect. But she's still a saint.
  • The holidays. Oh, God, the holidays...
  • Work is slowing down. I'm transitioning from a career woman to a full-time homemaker. Without kids. I have all these projects I want to finish, but I'm having a hard time seeing past my own selfishness right now to get them started.
  • The house is still clean. Dinner is still on the table every night. The laundry, dishes and trash are still getting done. The tree is up. All the presents are wrapped and under it. We're still going to Mass more often than not. I still have total faith in Christ. I just don't particularly feel any of it. I feel like a robot. Nothing is beautiful. Everything is gray.
  • I try to make sure I get enough sun every day. I'm running late, actually. I should be outside right now. But I'll rake leaves later and absorb some... and probably feel a whole lot better.
  • I don't want anyone's sympathy or advice. I'm a big girl. I know this is just a phase. I know as soon as I start moving around and "being" that everything will be more than okay. I just need to get up and get moving. Again.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Kate P said...

No advice/sympathy here--but I said a quick prayer for you and for the repose of your grandmother's soul. (Hopefully that's acceptable!) :)

10:42 AM  
Blogger Missy said...

I wish I had something good or cheerful or witty to say.

I think I'm right there with you on this S.A.D. thing.

2:26 PM  
Anonymous tracey said...

WG -- You KNOW I know how you feel. I'm here if you ever need to talk.

10:55 PM  
Anonymous karen said...

I know you said you didn't want advice and i can't believe i have the guts-but...

I have a story and a theory.

Story: Good friends of mine were married for 13 years before they had a child. She feels that what finally ~helped~ them was praying together to the Holy Family- and asking for help in conceiving.

I know that a lot of folks wouldn't understand that and that it isn't the ~Family~ that grants prayers(miracles)- i think you understand the meaning of it all.

Theory: Maybe if you bought an NFP book and studied it- and did everything it says NOT to do, you'll be more apt to get pregnant. And, find all the fun ways to do it that usually cannot be enjoyed if used for the intended purpose of such detailed information.

In this way, you will also be learning how to work NFP for the reason every other Catholic woman does(should) use it, the reverse.

Also, know that- blue mood or no- you are loved out here for the soul reason of - being you :0).

PS I have a quirk of writing w/dashes- can you tell? I figured they weere being wrongly applied until i saw in a Webster's that this quirk of mine IS used- exactly as i use it; ok, maybe not as much as i do, but...

9:33 PM  

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