For My Girls
If you don't remember this post, read it again -- especially the last bit.
The BFF in question is now almost engaged (and I say "almost" because the ring has been picked out and the boyfriend knows where it is, we're just not sure if he's gotten it yet -- you know, the whole romantic "surprise" thing). They met at a pot luck at her house after she had endured a string of Peter Pans (all losers) and endured almost 5 years of total datelessness. Not a hint, not even a whisper, nary a prospect in sight. (And her situation totally blows the whole "skinny girls get more dates" thing out of the water; she's a size 0-2 and way cute and the sweetest and funniest girl I know.) He was a friend of a friend that just showed up at the last minute. He'd liked her for a long time but never said anything. She wasn't bowled over by him at first because he was so shy. But she gave him a chance and found out that he has a wicked sense of humor; is kind, thoughtful and artistic; and now that he's opened up she can't get him to SHUT UP. They're adorable. She's in her late 20's. He's in his mid 30's. And this kind of thing is not rare. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
Oh, and did I mention he owns his own home and works as a statistician? Yeah. Grown-up Man, in the flesh. He has a responsible day job and is creative in his down time. He accomplishes his duties during the day, which enabled him to buy that recording studio for his basement. My husband is very much the same way. He's one of the most creative and interesting people I know -- after he's gotten his responsibilities accomplished. Dating a river guide or a starving artist and hoping against hope that someday he'll make it? Keep hoping, honey. You've got a long, painful road ahead.
And that ex-boyfriend of mine who was still living at home and working at Starbucks? Yep... STILLLLL living at home, STILLLLL working at Starbucks (my boss gets his coffee there and likes to ask him questions and then give me the grit). This man -- er, boy -- is 31 years old and has a business management degree from a really good (and expensive) private university, a real estate license and... some other certification in something futile by now. No, I'm sure of it. He had a million schemes to make a million dollars but never followed through on any of them. Including getting a real job and actually WORKING. And he still doesn't know how to run a load of clothes in the wash. Mommy does that. *sighhhh...* And I dated that clown for almost 5 years.
Listen ladies -- you're worth it. Don't put up with crap. If someone is jerking you around, LEAVE. You don't want a boyfriend or husband who is constantly pulling the rug out from under you. That's no basis to create a safe and secure home for yourself or your children. Find a real man who treats you like a real woman. They're out there, trust me. And they're not screaming at you from the rooftops or ogling you at the bar, either. Quality men are too busy being responsible; too tired from working hard; way too wise to look for marriage material at a bar (for heaven's sake); and far too well-mannered and polite to pull up to you at a stoplight and hang their head out of a pickup yelling, "WHOOO! Hey, sweet thang!"
Quality men are not just going to jump right out at you. You pass them on the street every day and don't even notice. They blend right in with the crowd. You don't know they're "quality" because quality men don't generally shout about their greatness. They're far too modest.
Keep looking, you'll find them. Because they're looking for you too.
The BFF in question is now almost engaged (and I say "almost" because the ring has been picked out and the boyfriend knows where it is, we're just not sure if he's gotten it yet -- you know, the whole romantic "surprise" thing). They met at a pot luck at her house after she had endured a string of Peter Pans (all losers) and endured almost 5 years of total datelessness. Not a hint, not even a whisper, nary a prospect in sight. (And her situation totally blows the whole "skinny girls get more dates" thing out of the water; she's a size 0-2 and way cute and the sweetest and funniest girl I know.) He was a friend of a friend that just showed up at the last minute. He'd liked her for a long time but never said anything. She wasn't bowled over by him at first because he was so shy. But she gave him a chance and found out that he has a wicked sense of humor; is kind, thoughtful and artistic; and now that he's opened up she can't get him to SHUT UP. They're adorable. She's in her late 20's. He's in his mid 30's. And this kind of thing is not rare. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
Oh, and did I mention he owns his own home and works as a statistician? Yeah. Grown-up Man, in the flesh. He has a responsible day job and is creative in his down time. He accomplishes his duties during the day, which enabled him to buy that recording studio for his basement. My husband is very much the same way. He's one of the most creative and interesting people I know -- after he's gotten his responsibilities accomplished. Dating a river guide or a starving artist and hoping against hope that someday he'll make it? Keep hoping, honey. You've got a long, painful road ahead.
And that ex-boyfriend of mine who was still living at home and working at Starbucks? Yep... STILLLLL living at home, STILLLLL working at Starbucks (my boss gets his coffee there and likes to ask him questions and then give me the grit). This man -- er, boy -- is 31 years old and has a business management degree from a really good (and expensive) private university, a real estate license and... some other certification in something futile by now. No, I'm sure of it. He had a million schemes to make a million dollars but never followed through on any of them. Including getting a real job and actually WORKING. And he still doesn't know how to run a load of clothes in the wash. Mommy does that. *sighhhh...* And I dated that clown for almost 5 years.
Listen ladies -- you're worth it. Don't put up with crap. If someone is jerking you around, LEAVE. You don't want a boyfriend or husband who is constantly pulling the rug out from under you. That's no basis to create a safe and secure home for yourself or your children. Find a real man who treats you like a real woman. They're out there, trust me. And they're not screaming at you from the rooftops or ogling you at the bar, either. Quality men are too busy being responsible; too tired from working hard; way too wise to look for marriage material at a bar (for heaven's sake); and far too well-mannered and polite to pull up to you at a stoplight and hang their head out of a pickup yelling, "WHOOO! Hey, sweet thang!"
Quality men are not just going to jump right out at you. You pass them on the street every day and don't even notice. They blend right in with the crowd. You don't know they're "quality" because quality men don't generally shout about their greatness. They're far too modest.
Keep looking, you'll find them. Because they're looking for you too.
posted by WordGirl at 10:20 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
From one of your "girls". . . I think that original "wolf" post was the one that kept me coming back (although I enjoy the political stuff)!
I think I needed the "he is still at home" reminder. Because even though he's Ph.D.-level smart and has a really good job he is. And he's 34. My brother (who went to high school with him) looks better than him now b/c while he had his wayward years, he got his act together and married the mother of his children (yes, THAT wayward) last Thanksgiving. A year ago I never thought I'd be saying that!
The worst part is, even though I know all this stuff, I miss the humor, the companionship, all that stuff. It's hard not to despair of the whole situation at times, but I try to remember what you said before, that if I have this great desire in my heart I have to trust that God will satisfy it. (It just might not be the way I tell Him, ha ha.) I'm still mulling over the eHarmony thing and not sure it's for me (I'm terrible at coming up with clear cut answers to questionnaires). But is that where all the nice guys who are in the same boat are hiding? I have sister about 4 years younger than me and she's gorgeous too but not seeing anybody. Now that my brother's married my mom wants the rest of us married off, too!!
Of course, the flip side of this is, I started grad school last fall (you know, all that single again and starting over stuff) and I'm not really sure I even have time for a relationship. But you bet if a nice feller came up I would make time!
God knows what He's doing. Psalm 37:4 -- Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Not my heart, not your sister's heart, not someone else's heart -- YOURS. Speaking as someone who has been there I can say with all confidence -- He does! (Which is why I'm not freaking out about not being pregnant yet. I know God has His perfect time.)
You're right, eHarmony's not for everyone; usually people who are impatient with the net or who don't tend to like the written form of communication. But you already spend a good deal of time posting and blogging so I'd say, give it a shot. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. At least you can say you tried it, right?
The best thing about eHarmony is that you get all the major stuff out of the way first -- marriage, kids, how many, how soon, etc., so there are far fewer surprises.
It took me a long time to find out my ex was a jerk: the kind of jerk who kept telling me we'd get married "next year" (for almost five years) who HATED children and didn't want any -- PERIOD. Whereas when I met my husband, I knew from the FIRST CORRESPONDENCE (REALLY!) that he wanted to get married and have kids -- two, actually.
Whatever happens, I'm rootin' for ya', Kate!
Aw, thanks, WG. I'm rooting for you, too (in the kids department, I mean)! :)
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